joy in the dance

Oh god I missed this place.

2008-04-27T16:29:45Z

I missed you all. This cruel month of April dragged me over the coals, but I'm back (read last post if you haven't).

But this post is not about me. It's about the fact that THE FANDOM GODS HAVE GIVEN ME GIFTS! There's a lot I could say but I'm just going to give it all a brief once-over.

BLEACH:

This flashback arc! It is so awesome! Getting the backstory on Aizen and Urahara and Mayuri....and finding out Shinji and Haruhi were in the Gotei 13...and superhot Yoruichi in all her ninjacat glory...but I have to say, two things complete the awesomeness: First, YOUNG BYAKUYA. I love him. Look at his attitude! Look at his facial expresions when Yoruichi get his goat! He's like my new favorite thing. EVER. Except for... YOUNG GIN!!!! He is made of total, 100% win. He's fucking fantastic. There's not much besides that to say. Kubo has skyrocketed this manga back into my heart. I'm feeling all the original shivers again. :D

NARUTO :

Sasuke's emotions are back! And wow. Just, wow. Poor thing's never going back to Konoha now, is he? This whole development really adds another layer of moral complexity to things. I never thought the Third would allow something like that...Obviously Madara is only telling some version of the truth; Sasuke will have to choose between truths in the end, and so will Naruto, when he finds out. I'm glad Itachi's guilt is preserved; I was nervous Madara was going to say something different. I can't wait to see what happens, and my brain is full of competing theories about what happened in the past.

AVATAR:

FINALLY, new episodes! I 've been wondering for months what the heck the Boiling Rock was. And wow I missed this show. The plot and characters and animation...it's so high quality. ZUUUUKOOOO! Mai being a badass for him at the end of Part 2 was just awesome. They're so hot. And Sokka is brilliant. Suki is so pretty without her makeup! I missed everyone!! I do wish there had been more Aang. I'm in Aang withdrawal.

Azula: "Because I’m a people person." LOL.

So, yeah, I can't give up these fandoms. They just keep dragging me back. I'm a mess of fangirl goop right now. Goop, I say. :D

Drabble for Two Brothers, Ch. 394

2008-03-24T03:41:15Z

I was pretty sure I was done with fanfic for awhile, but after reading Naruto 394, which is basically the chapter I've been waiting to see since FOREVER, I had to write a little something. It's kind of unedited and all written in one go, so be warned.

Title: “In Aftermath of Battle”
Genre: Angst/Gen.
Characters: Sasuke (and Itachi)
Rating: PG
Words: 200
Warnings: Spoilers for 394 and preceding chapters. No incest
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summary: In the wake of blood battle, what remains?

Sing for absolution, I will be singing, falling from your grace.
Our wrongs remain unrectified, and our souls won’t be exhumed.
~ Muse

I can’t tell if you are dead yet, but I am. I’m breathing still, in spurts. I see you there, so small, so human. But already, I am dead.

Someone might come and find me, heal my body. But my body was never what mattered. After all, I almost gave it away. My body might live, but I have no future. Because I lived for you. I knew it. You knew it.

You planned it. Fucker.

You might be gone, the fire in your eyes extinguished, but I haven't defeated you. You brought yourself down. I can tell by the way you fell, by the way I broke under your power. You doomed yourself a long time ago. This is not revenge. It’s only justice.

I miss you already.

You didn’t take my eyes, but you have blinded me. You left your final memory smeared in blood across my vision. Was it your blood, or mine? We have the same blood. Cursed blood. I am twice cursed.

My eyes fall closed. Your eyes. Mine. All I see is you, against the black of my eyelids. You at thirteen.

I am an empty shell.

I am eight again.

Still following you.

Happy Easter, Happy Spring!

2008-03-23T19:40:59Z

For all who celebrate Easter, hope you have/had a lovely day, whether it be with family or friends, loved ones or pets, or in the peaceful comfort of solitude. For those who don't, the same. <3

I had a lovely brunch at this jazz place with my friends today. I had a Peach Bellini and a pesto omelet with a bagel. It was amazing. Brunch is by far my favorite meal. If I weren't in a food coma maybe I'd be able to write something coherent.

I apologize to all my internet friends for being so incredibly absent and busy these past few weeks. Blame midterms and boyfriends, not me. Matt is an absolute doll. He treats me so well. And he's adorable when he sleeps. The housing drama is resolved and we've split into three groups. Matt found his own place with Manizeh and Atanu, and Emma, Lindsey, Philip and I are looking for a 4-bedroom together. I think it's good that I won't be living with Matt, probably better for our relationship, but it also makes me kinda sad. I really want to get a place close by.

I went to see The Honorary Title open for Mae on Friday. They were incredible. I'm not a big Mae fan, but I adore THT. Two other bands I hadn't heard before played as well. I will write a review when I'm not in a food coma. I'm also going to see Murder By Death with cruelest_month in a couple weeks, and British Sea Power in May. I wish I could go to shows every week but I can't afford it, especialyl if I insist on buying a tshirt every time. XD

The images of Sasuke in 394...just beautiful. Well done.

Naruto 393!

2008-03-15T14:48:41Z

I really don't have any words for the awesome of Naruto 393. And if I did, everyone would have said them already. But seriously, I was surprised, and moved, and squeeing, and cackling wickedly over what poor Sasuke is going to have to suffer through now. SO MUCH LOVE, KISHIMOTO. It was perfect, perfect, perfect. This manga has totally redeemed itself for me.

joyinthedance @ 2008-03-03T16:46:00

2008-03-03T21:49:05Z

WHOOT.

Saturday, my friends and I threw a surprise birthday party for Philip. In England, they have caterpillar cakes, and on pimpthatsnack.com, which transforms ordinary desserts into giant centerpieces, we found a giant caterpillar cake. This was obviously what we had to make for Philip. We also had to make it vegan, for Lindsey.

So Friday was an epic day of ingredients-acquisition, and Saturday was an epic day of baking, baking, and baking.

We made two test cakes with the vegan recipe. The first one came out too much like banana bread and nothing like cake. After asking Emma's kitchen wizard mom for advice, our second test cake was AMAZING. We knew we had hit the mark. (See photo, above: we ate it during the baking)

Lindsey approved:

Now we had to make ten of them.

The frosting was my ninja skills.

Once we had the ten cakes, it was time for the jelly filling:

And the stacking:

We cut a piece off to make a flat bottom and flipped the stack over:

Then we iced it. This is what we call the turd stage:

Then we added the features!

THE FINAL PRODUCT:

Unfortunately, since we had promised Philip we would also bake pizza that night (unrelated, he presumed, to his birthday), he came upstairs to find us in search of pizza, and saw the back end of the cake, whereupon Emma smacked him very, very hard and yelled him out of the room. Poor guy. I don't think he saw much, but he certainly knew something was up.

Then we got all piled into the kitchen to wait for Lindsey to bring Philip in. This was the result:

You can see me flitting around with the bright red and black armwarmers,going up to hug Philip after he hugged Emma. I look like the dork that I am. And that's Atanu behind the camera, with his great line about the knife.

Random blathering:

And then the cake cutting:

I love them all.

music meme again!

2008-02-27T19:44:37Z

I've done this before, but it's great because the answers keep changing! Tagged by [Bad username: day_eight.]
List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Streetcar by Funeral For A Friend. This is one of those emo bands whose songs often seem flat and generic to me, but I really love this tune. It's got such a catchy and sad chorus hook that I can't stop playing (and singing) it.

2. Salty Eyes by The Matches. I just discovered these guys, and they have a unique sound and a great theatricality to them.

3. Ghost of York by As Tall As Lions. I jut got this album this week and it's fantastic. Beautiful stuff.

4. The City That Reads by The Graduate. More emo, simple, yet good. There is also a sweet acoustic version on their free EP available from AbsolutePunk.net. Also, note that this is not a download but a link to the song on thesixtyone, which you all should check out as it's how I found half of these songs in the first place.

5. Ode to LRC by Band of Horses. I almost got to see these guys play in January but missed the boat on getting tix in time. They're an amazing band and if you haven't heard them yet, check them out.

6. Delilah by The Dresden Dolls. This is one of my go-to songs when I'm down. So much better than that other song about Delilah that's been all over the airwaves for the past year.

7. About Last Night by The Mascara Story. I swear this band would not have broken up if their name weren't so godawful stupid. Great upbeat punk-pop fuzz.

8. The Light by The Album Leaf. Every once in awhile an album will have an opening track that just catches you off your guard with its sheer beauty. This is one of those. Since it has no words, I throw it in as an eighth song for free. :D

I tag cruelest_month, notorium, rabid_fangrrl, paperninja, davyn, lazy_writer , and bombasticduck.

The Bravery at the Paradise Rock Club, 2/18/08

2008-02-21T16:24:03Z

It had been over a month since I'd been to a show, and yeah, I missed it. So we went to the loveably grungy Paradise Rock Club to see The Bravery -- me, Philip, and his friend Duncan, also British. Flanked by British lads, I was in good spirits.

We arrived a tad late and missed about half of the opening set by Your Vegas, but from what we heard they had potential. However, they were overshadowed by the rocking Switches. This British quintet had a great sound -- a kind of classic rock throwback thing, with four-part harmony, loud guitars, infectious energy, and awesome hair. Unfortunately, their lyrics were,in Philip's words, "insipid." Their formula for a song seems to be choose a two- or three-word phrase for the title ("No Hero," "Every Second Counts," "Lovin' It"), and then repeat it as many times as possible within the chorus. Once the crowd had figured out this formula, it got old quickly. They were clearly talented musicians with skills and commanding stage presence, however, so I think they could be quite big if they learned how to diversify their song structure. They've only got a couple of EPs out so far, so they've got time. Good stuff.

Waiting for The Bravery was the usual trial of patience, and we fell back into our pattern of making hypocritically snide remarks about the crowd. In this case, it was the most "mainstream" looking crowd I'd been in for some time. (To counterbalance the general lack of self-conscious hipness, I suppose, we had to encounter the single ugliest couple I have ever seen in my life. I shall not even describe the horror, lest it be read by said couple. This is the internet after all. We actually didn't see them until midway through the set, when they pushed their way from the bar up to the front for "An Honest Mistake." Goodness, I've said too much.) At an ideal Bravery concert, people would jump around. Their new-wave influenced, synthesizer-infused pop-rock about as close to dance music as legit guitar rock gets. And some of the people filling the Paradise that night were unhip enough, or tipsy enough, to do that.

The Bravery came onstage with "Split Me Wide Open," which, though a great song, was somewhat disappointing live. Perhaps it was a poor choice of starters. Singer Sam Endicott sounded strained, sounding like a pale echo of a young Robert Smith, to whom he is sometimes compared. However, he sounded much more confident on "No Brakes," and that confidence lasted through the solid set, which was more or less split between 2005's self-titled debut and this year's The Sun and the Moon. Before playing "This Is Not the End," he announced they would soon release a new album, entitled The Moon, made of of alternate versions of all the songs from The Sun and the Moon. I'd still rather have an album of new compositions, but the "Moon" versions of familiar tracks they performed were interesting, especially the sped-up takes of Sun's two slow songs. "Tragedy Bound," the sparsest, bleakest song The Bravery has recorded, benefited from an injection of tempo, while "The Ocean," which is beautifully wistful and dreamy on record, became a more generic Bravery filer track when backed up by a disco drumbeat. It was decidedly refreshing to hear the variation, which, after all, is part of why we go to shows.

Sam Endicott has a long face that makes him look a bit like a cross between a more outgoing Conor Oberst and a less intimidating Trent Reznor. He's passionate and dynamic on stage, all angular motion. Emo-haired guitarist Michael Zakarin also loved the crowd, pacing the edge of the barrier and bringing out the fangirls in all of us. The shy guy and unsung hero was clearly keyboardist John Conway, who, with bassist Mike Hindert, contributed backing vocals in places I hadn't realized existed. The band made it clear that they were rockers, relying only minimally on synth power and more on the charisma and musical muscle of the Endicott-Zakarin combo. Drummer Anthony Burulchich's killer solo almost consciously spat in the face of drum machines everywhere.

The poppy "Public Service Announcement" was a highlight, as were the three biggest hits: "Believe," "Time Won't Let Me Go," and "An Honest Mistake." The last, saved til late in the evening, was the crowd's obvious sentimental favorite and brought the place as close to a dance floor as it could get. They also played an old song called "The Dandy Rock," which Ellicott assured us had never been recorded. Featuring Zakarin on vocals, who was hard to hear, it was forgettable but a welcome surprise.

When they left the stage, I was hoping for "Fearless" and "Bad Sun" as encores. While I didn't get the latter, I did get the former, as well as the single "Unconditional," for which Endicott pulled out all the stops. "I just want I just want love," he wailed, and we shook our heads because it was so obvious that we loved him.

Setlist (well out of order):

Split Me Wide Open
No Brakes
This is Not the End (Moon version)
Public Service Anouncement
Tyrant
The Dandy Rock
Believe
Every Word From Your Mouth Is a Knife in My Ear
Time Won't Let Me Go
An Honest Mistake
Tragedy Bound (Moon version)
Swollen Summer

Encore:
Fearless
The Ocean (Moon version)
Unconditional

One-line thoughts

2008-02-18T05:19:04Z

Where the hell is Avatar??

I got Jenny hooked on Avatar and now she is hot for Zuko.

Meanwhile, I'm hooked on Arrested Development, to which Philip introduced me.

I'm going to see The Bravery tomorrow with Philip!

Tom has mono.

Edit: Sometimes I wake up panicked for no reason.

Anti-V-Day! (image heavy)

2008-02-15T15:21:22Z

My anti-Valentine's party went perfectly. Being shy, paranoid, messy, and cheap, I haven't hosted a party in a few years. It was great. Even more people came by than I had hoped, and everyone ate ALL my cookies! I was worried they were overdone. We had so much fun just randomly chatting, and drinking wine. Most of them had never been in my room before, and they were impressed with it's cuteness. XD

PICTURES!!!

This is my homemade cookie cutter for the broken heart cookies. It's made of rolled up tinfoil. I'm a genius.

Emo cookies! They looked more like broken hearts on the baking sheet than when they were done baking.

I would just like to point out my ghetto rolling pin, which is exactly what it looks like. Resourceful is my middle name.

Voila! No animals were harmed in the making of these broken hearts.

Our drug of choice. With names like "Bitter Black," "Emergency Chocolate," and "Dark Secrets," how could I resist?

This was the sign on the door.

I chose this wine for the sole purpose of decorating the bottle. XDDD

Raji and Ruxy, the first guests.

Teh Emma pours teh wine.

Me, Raji, and Emma. Sorry Emma. I had to put that one up.

I look stupid in this picture, but my desk looks cool.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Kris, Ruxy, Raji, Emma, Zsuzsa, and Lindsey. Single girls unite!!

It was a good night.

Happy Val(un)tine's Day!

2008-02-14T20:38:14Z

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Or Anti-Valentine's Day, if that's what suits you.

I made a bunch of paper valentines and put them in my friends' mail slots.

I'm hosting an anti-Valentine's day gathering with my dorm friends in my room. It's single girls only. XD I'm definitely going to post pictures tomorrow. I've had a good couple of days. Yesterday in Theory class we had a guest professor who was really inspiring to me. He rekindled my desire to do something important and not to let the petty things get in the way. I feel good about it.

Now I'm off to go finish baking. :D

joyinthedance @ 2008-02-13T08:25:00

2008-02-13T14:27:20Z

Goddamn my department is a shitshow. I really don't want to go into the details of the last night's grad student meeting. Our department is at a major crossroads, on the verge of splitting apart, and at the same time, our graduate program sucks, choked by unneccessary requirements, and setting us behind in terms of careers. Ugh. It was so depressing because the students have been trying the same things for many years, and the profs don't listen to us, because they have no central leadership and no accountability.   The whole reason I was willing to come here, for which I had to sneak myself into an uncomfortable specialty niche, was to be a part of what seemed to be a great, cohesive department community. WRONG. It's a bad program. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they have a very strong research vision and the desire to work with a specific faculty member. So frustrating.

THEN I got my term paper back for Origins of Agriculture. I got a B+, which was fine; in restrospect, it was probably a B+ paper, and I still pulled off an A- in the class because of test grades. However, the COMMENTS....Dr. Meadow just shredded my paper to bits. He had a few legitimate criticisms, but he nitpicked all my references and even my WORD ORDER. My word order. On several occasions it was clear he had actually misread or misunderstood the crux of my sentence. Look at what he wrote at the end:

There are problems in this paper with organization, word choice, and referencing. What you are trying to do in this paper is not adequately presented in the introduction, points are not well made nor evaluated adequately in the body, and use of evidence is not critical. This is very much an undergraduate level paper and lacks the acuity expected in a graduate student effort.
Ouch.

Fortunately, this prof is a total asshole, not among my advisers, and someone I will probably never have to deal with again until generals.   But the trouble was, I was already so down on my department after the meeting that I was trying to choose another one to switch into. This just reconfirmed how I felt about myself: a complete imposter, inadequate for graduate study in archaeology, lacking the passion and focus that everyone else has, and still trapped in the undergraduate mindset. If I didn't want to switch to the English department before, I certainly do after reading that.

I got really upset, mostly an aftereffect of the meeting. The paper was just the nail in the coffin. I kinda took more of my Ativan than I should have, though (as I read later), not nearly enough to cause a problem. I freaked Emma and Matt out a little bit when I wandered downstairs to tell them what I'd done and why. They made me feel a lot better, and loved. Despite the sedatives, I still woke up at 7:45 without my alarm, somewhat to my chagrin.

I was so sure it was worth staying here one more year. Now the only thing that's keeping me here is my desire to live with my friends in a real apartment next year. If I can just continue to treat this place as a job, and make the best of it, maybe I can stick it out the second year through generals to get the Masters. Maybe. After that I will have a secure home base and can apply for any job in Boston, even while I'm still in school. I want to live with Emma, Matt, Philip, and Lindsey forever.   If I'd gone to UCLA, I never would have met them. That's my only consolation so far.

Alcohol ruins everything.

2008-02-09T15:34:48Z

Last night was Tom's birthday party. It started out great; I made sure I looked as hot as possible, and all my favorites among our friends came out. We went out to a Chinese restaurant and since it was the New Year, we each got a dollar in a red envelope. I made sure to sit close to Tom so we could talk. When we got our fortune cookies, Tom's said "A great opportunity awaits if you aren't timid," and when I asked (in kinda of a flirtatious tone, not gonna lie) if he had any idea what that meant, he said he thought he did know -- but then he didn't tell me. This made me extremely optimistic.

Peter kept telling me I should just go for it, to tell him how I like him, but I was skeptical. I had hoped Tom would get drunk enough to get touchy-feeley, giving me an excuse to reciprocate. I'm obviously living in a fantasy world where life imitates fanfic and things just happen without the inconvenience of verbal intercourse. No such luck. When we went out to the bar, Tom insisted on getting as drunk as possible, alongside Chris. At first, he got pleasantly drunk so that we could rave about music together with the wonderment of children, and at one point we were sitting very close, and I was hopeful. In the meantime, I was crushing on the hot uber-emo bartender (whom everyone else insisted was gay), and our group split up I discovered some of the internal cliquishness in our group (which fortunately doesn't much affect me). Tom kept drinking, and by the time our half of the group had left the bar and decided to take a cab to the house party where the others had gone earlier, he was a different person. He could hardly speak straight, and all his intelligence and sensitivity which is so obvious when he's sober was completely invisible. He became completely unattractive to me, even though I had been hoping to get him drunk so I could free him of some of the social inhibitions he always carries around. It hurt to see him like this. I never get this drunk, but I can totally understand the place he's coming from when he gets hammered -- it's the same place I go when I eat myself sick or slice up my arms. But mostly, I realized that he certainly hadn't been planning on making a move after all, or he would have at that point.

The house party was lame. I got somebody else's horrible pink cocktail spilled all over me, Tom was practically incoherent, and Ben, Lauren, and I -- the relatively sober ones -- were standing in a corner judging people and commandeering the Tostitos. I wished I had just gone home after the bar. It was late. And I was tired. Two beautiful gay men were all over each other in the back room, and I just about died of frustration. And yet, pinning Tom against the wall and making out with him was out of the question when his breath smelled like so much whiskey. Ugh. I felt so let down. I still like him, too -- but not like this.

The evening was kind of redeemed when the five of us decided to walk home, and Ben and Chris almost got arrested trying to sneak through a construction site. The rest of us just went the normal way. Boys are so silly. Tom had clearly started to sober up a little by the end of the night, but when I got back to my room, I was so sad. So much of the night had been so fun, but as usual, the combination of alcohol and sugar (and meds) took its toll on me, and I just felt sad in a slow, dull-bladed kind of way. I should never drink. I keep telling myself that, and it never works. Nothing ever works.

Rain and snow invade my brain

2008-02-07T20:28:09Z

Everyone loves my hair, and so do I. It's darkened a little into a rich almost wine-colored red. It should last for about a month.

My classes this semester are pretty interesting. I'm taking a lecture course on the decipherment of ancient writing systems, which is pretty easy, fun, and well-taught. My adviser is teaching a soil chemistry course where we go out into the forest where an old tannery sued to be and test the ground for chemicals to see if it's safe for future excavation. That should be fun. Then of course there is my lab project. I got my bone samples approved for lab today, and on Monday I'm going to saw them up and get ready to play scientist. XD Finally, I have to take the Method and Theory seminar which is required for my program. It's kind of fun because the prof is hilarious and everyone's in it together, but it is an inordinate amount of reading and meets from six to nine pm each Wednesday. D: I also just don't like to study theory, because it makes me feel like archaeology is futile and useless and impossible and irrelevant. So I went ot bed last night full of doubts again about my motivation. It only got worse today when the librarian made me feel like an idiot (turns out he's like that to everyone) . Then I walked in on Tina and Karola, the fouth- and fifth-years in my lab, sitting around complaining about how our adviser never gives helpful feedback on our paper drafts and how unproductive they feel. I just...ugh. I was excited to be here again, but now I'm not so sure. And Tina later tried to comfort me, telling me not to freak out, and that the best thing for me to do now (totally counter to our adviser's advice) would be to take Chemistry classes if I really want to study residue analysis. She regrets not having a strong enough background in genetics for her work on ancient DNA, but if she wanted to take courses she would have to start from the beginning. She ALSO said it would be very math-intensive as well, which I had no idea. Math?? Oh hell no. I don't even think I want to do residue analysis anymore if that's the case. This doesn't mean I have to drop out of the program; I could always just shift back over to standard field archaeology, iconography, and theory, but it scares and disappoints me, especially since I don't think I have what it takes to do those things either.

I am excited about living with Emma though, and possibly in a 4-bedroom with Philip and Matt. I'm definitely going to finish next year and get the Masters, and if I want to get a different kind of job then, at least I'll already have a place to live in Boston, and I can go right then from Harvard. It will be much easier to transition. For now, I just have to remember not too stress out by looking too far ahead. I'm being paid to do this after all, so I should at least play the game.

Over the past few weeks I'd been fighting off mounting eating anxieties. Ever since Emma and I had begun our daily gym treks, I'd reacquired the compulsion to stuff myself. All through high school and college -- the years when I was running all the time -- I had serious problems controlling my urges to overeat, but in 2007, when I was too sick (in a number of ways) to work out, I hit a point where I no longer had to struggle to eat normally. I rarely worried if I had eaten too much or too little on a given day -- when I was hungry, I ate something. And I actually lost the ten pounds I had gained in college, the weight that I was never able to lose despite endless cycles of binging and purging. All this changed when I started exercising again, though -- all of a sudden I wanted to pull a Jimmy and eat the world. It's probably a combination of psychological and physiological factors -- obviously I'm going to be hungrier when I'm more active, but not THAT much hungrier that I need to eat as much as I can possibly keep down. I was convinced, terrified, that I'd gain back all the weight I'd lost, that it was actually bad for me to exercise. I ate 700 calories on Tuesday, and yesterday I was planning on only eating 300. I had forgotten how it felt to be undernourished, so light and empty and beautiful. But luckily, lazy_writer knocked some sense into me. I'm so glad she did. And usually when that moment used to hit, when I realized I can't get by living on egg whites and cucumbers, I compensate by eating a whole gallon of ice cream or something. Not this time. I feel like I needed to face this demon one last time, just to prove to myself that I could do it. It called to me and I rejected it.

My therapist suggested that my skinny emo boy fetish, and my related obsession with being ultra-thin myself, reflect an attraction to being a kid. It felt so true. The things I fear the most -- having to choose a career, having to deal with financial stuff and logistics, aging alone in a love-filled world, and most relevantly, the mortality of my parents -- are all things I associate with growing up. I thought that was interesting. When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up. Now the future terrifies me.

ETA: NO MORE PAID ACCOUNT D: Goodbye lovely icons! At least I still get to keep my pretteh layout

aws

2008-02-05T03:46:16Z

They really do look like Narucat and Sasucat. Sooo cute!

Peter thinks I should tell Tom how I really feel about him. I don't know how to approach this, but Peter's approval is encouraging. Maybe he knows something I don't? *SIGH*

Peter: "I can't really see Tom dating anyone, but you're by far the closest."

Um, thanks, Peter. XD

mai red hair. let me show you it.

2008-02-03T01:35:05Z

Pulling the plug on paid accounts?

2008-01-29T15:07:24Z

I'm tempted to go back to a basic or plus account when my Paid Account expires on February 7. Part of it is that I just don't feel like spending $20 a year; even though it's not very much, it's $20 I could spend on a concert or something else I want. Of course there is the whole problem of LJ being paranoid bitches, and though they have changed management and it's kind of to late for a withdrawal of support to be meaningful, the whole thing did make me less inclined to pay them. I'll be sad to lose my fantabulous layout and all my glorious icons I have spent years accumulating, but whatever. When I woke up this morning I just kind of felt like downsizing my journal, period. It just screamed excess to me. Oh well. I also had a desire to separate fandom from RL stuff. I don't know what's gotten into me.

Random meme

2008-01-27T19:35:23Z

Meme (tagged by notorium)

a. list seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself
b. tag seven people to do the same
c. do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it"

1. I have very vivid and fantastical dreams. They rarely bear any resemblance to reality. Some recurring themes are flying, being hunted, and close encounters with whales.

2. With food, I go through phases where I always order the same thing at a particular restaurant until I get sick of it. I’ll go through a latte phase, a chai phase, and an Americano phase, or a burrito phase, a tamale phase, and a tostada phase. These can last for several months.

3. I can remember all my Halloween costumes, in order, since I was a year old.

4. I really can't understand people who can be reading more than one novel at a time. Actually I just suck at multitasking in general.

5. My favorite colors are red, black, white, and blue. ~~Uchiha colors.~~ I also really like wearing stripes and stars. As a result, I often assemble outfits that look way more patriotic than I intended.

6. Every day before I go to bed, I make a list, hour by hour, of everything I plan to do the next day. Sometimes I write the list down two or three times, in different places, recite it over and over in my head as I fade into sleep, and write it again when I wake up. If I don’t do this, I get deeply anxious.

7. I absolutely cannot fall asleep without applying chapstick, even if I haven't needed to all day.

Tagging:

raikune, xbluedawn, lazy_writer, bombasticduck, day_eight, azartti, cruelest_month .

I spent yesterday afternoon and last night with my aunt, who lives in Lynnfield. She has a new house and it's absolutely beautiful, and I got to meet her dog for the first time. It really, really made me miss my dog, but it was so much fun. We had lobster, champagne, and chocolate cake made with this delicious African liqueur called Amarula. Then it snowed in the morning while we were walking Jesse, sweet light snow with huge, perfect, six-pointed flakes. It was really refreshing and rejuvenating. I think my aunt is the most like me of anyone in my family, in some ways.

More Avatardation, and some Naruto bitching

2008-01-24T23:01:30Z

All caught up on Avatar. This series really is great, isn't it? It's better than anything I've ever seen on Nickelodeon, ever. I underestimated it for so long because I had never given it a chance. I sure was wrong. It's epic. And hilarious. For a short series, it's on par with FMA in terms of, characters and plot and animation quality. Fucking brilliant stuff. And how is it possible for me to love Zuko more every episode? In 3-12 I just wanted to pinch his cheeks. :3
Also: A critique of U.S. foreign policy, or is it just me?

Zuko: Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history, and somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was! The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us. And we deserve it. We have created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

This is just a sign I've been watching the presidential debates too much, isn't it? XD

So thank you, Avatar, for saving me from dwelling on the total rape of Itachi's character that is Naruto 386.

It's like a horrible OOC fanfic come to life. To be honest, I don't loathe the revelation of his motives; even though it completely contradicts my long-held interpretation of his character, it does make a little bit of sense. But his FACE. Itachi should not be capable of that expression. It's like he morphed into psycho Kabuto or Deidara. I realized that every single time I think I've made peace with the ridiculous disappointment of Part 2 of this manga, Kishimoto drops another bomb of Fail. I am just going to have to stop taking it seriously, because now that Sasuke, Sai, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Pein, and every remotely interesting/evil character in the book have been flattened into a carboard cutout, and even Naruto himself has been reduced to a Jesus figure, what is the point? I used to love this series for its characters. The plot was good, but you know, mostly fighting and angsting. The reason I cared about that was because I cared about these characters and their relationships to one another. Now everyone has had all the complexity drained out of them. The new generation's triumph over the old has become inevitable, a sort of manifest destiny that dilutes all the suspense. And obviously all villains are complete lunatics. Yes. Obviously. >>

Some people argue, and fairly, that Itachi is Kishimoto's character, so he can't possibly do anything OOC; it's just that Kishimoto hadn't shown us this side of his character before. But seriously, it's like I'm not even reading the same manga that I fell in love with in the first place. And yet, I'm salivating for more, just in the vain hope that it's all a genjutsu, again. Creative little buggers, those Uchihas. >>

Bleach 306: Mayuri is starting to win me over.

I just hated him in the SS arc, and his bankai gives me nightmares, but he's been cool in this fight, and he revived Nemu BY HAVING SEX WITH HER. You can't deny him his share of the awesomepie. And I love this line: "For we scientists, perfection is despair." That is something I need to remember. Man, I'm running out of characters to hate. XD

23 on the 23rd!

2008-01-23T20:58:40Z

Happy birthday, Jenny!

Jen, you're the most amazing friend I've ever had. It's hard to express how much you have meant to me these past 8.5 years (yes, all 8.5 of them, even when I was acting like a ho). You have so much to offer the world. Despite everything, I believe you've played an important part in helping me heal, and you still are. You taught me that I have the ability to love someone in a real way: as a true friend. We're each still in the middle of our respective Big Adventures, and it's impossible to tell where future roads will lead us, but wherever I am, I will keep you close to me in sprit.

This is the only time in your life you get to be 23 on the 23rd. Enjoy it, have a Bloody Mary, and sing if you want to. Hell, you can even rap. You can even wear those horrible shorts. It's your day.

For your temporary gift, I drew you a Naruto/DCFC thingy:

And never forget:

Best Friends.
38.
Invincibilites.
We Are In.

~~ Erica

I'm so Avatarded right now.

2008-01-22T17:59:23Z

Toph's facial expression in my icon pretty much describes my reaction to Season 3. MUST...HAVE...MOAR. OMG it is SO GOOD. Also now I have a bunch of icons of Zuko with his emo hair!! <3 <3 <3

And, believe it or not, I finally like some canon het ships! Aang/Katara is so, so sweet, I can't help but ship it. I admit, I had a powerful moment of Zuko/Katara love....but now my need of Zuko ships is filled by the pure canon of Mai/Zuko.

*sunset*
Mai: "Orange is such an awful color."
Zuko: "You're beautiful when you hate the world."
Mai: "I don't hate you."
Zuko: "I don't hate you too."
*kiss*

FOR THE WIN.

Fun with male friends.

2008-01-22T02:42:00Z

I have a headache and possibly a fever, so this is going to be a short post and then I am going to bed. *prays not to get sick*

Today I went to visit Guy (my Gay Boyfriend/ concert buddy) in the South End, and we went to a delicious (though pricey) diner called Charlie's Sandwich Shop. Then we went back to his apartment and watch the very earliest episodes of Will and Grace. Good times. Stayed til 5 pm.

As soon as I got home, Tom called me and wanted to go out. So we got sushi and then loitered in the bookstore. He told me he hadn't socialized with anyone in three days, so I felt kind of honored that he called me. We had a really good time, but... I kind of am starting to crush on him again. I just really wanted him to kiss me. Like, really. I am too cautious to flirt, though. I wish I weren't so damn shy.

Then once he had gone, I started wondering if it would be better for me to pursue Tom or Albert.

I am kind of a whore.

Meme

2008-01-20T14:35:34Z

Stolen from evercool

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Joy
2. Erica
3. Ricky

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. joyinthedance
2. hilahiyu
3. trailhobbit

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes
2. My hair
3. The fact that I am well-proportioned

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My nose from the side
2. My thighs
3. The fact that I am not and could never be naturally ultra-skinny

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Norwegian
2. German
3. Scotch-Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. How fast time goes
2. Failure/Rejection
3. Myself

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Internet.
2. Music.
3. ~~Eyeliner~~ Caffeine

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Blue "Radlo" T-shirt from Taiwan
2. Black jeans
3. Argyle socks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. The Beatles
2. The Smashing Pumpkins
3. My Chemical Romance

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
((this is just....at the moment))
1. Time Code - Bright Eyes
2. White People for Peace - Against Me!
3. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Openness
2. Trust
3. Humor

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I've never been stung by a bee.
2. I believed in Santa Claus until I was 11.
3. I've eaten rattlesnake.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Pretty head hair, minimal body hair.
2. Skinny build without being scrawny.
3. Pretty faces. Cheekbones are awesome. Eyes. This is hard.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing.
2. Drawing.
3. Playing music.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Watch Avatar.
2. Go back to sleep.
3. Eat something with caramel in it.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Archaeologist.
2. Editor.
3. High school teacher.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. New Zealand
2. Scandinavia
3. Egypt

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Ethan
2. Emma
3. Rowen

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Publish a book.
2. I can't think
3. Of anything more.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I love shopping.
2. I'm a total sucker for cute and cuddly things.
3. I love makeup.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I...um, stare at hot girls. XD
2. I am not dainty, delicate, or demure. *shudder*
3. I prefer shonen manga to shoujo, action and adventure to romance movies, etc.

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. You
2. You
3. You

Random Fandom Stuff

2008-01-19T18:00:19Z

Naruto 385!!!!

Okay first. Itachi has the most beautiful smile in the whole world.

Now that that's out of the way. Call me a naive ~~ItaSasu shipper~~ Itachi apologist, but I still think he's BSing the whole "I was acting like a brother" thing. There is totally love there. A sick and desperate kind of helpless love, and a love that Sauke needs to overcome, but yeah. It's there. The expressions in both their eyes on that page look soooo sad. I just...ugh it breaks my heart.

Madara and Itachi working together is perfect. I kind of wasn't surprised at all, but I was surprised that Sasuke had known for years that Itachi had had help, but he never said anything about it. For some reason I really like the idea of Itachi having a mentor and teacher. It adds a new dimension to his whole "I do things on my own" thing.

And I wasn't surprised that the Mangekyou Sharingan has powers that can control the Kyuubi, based on that reunion scene. ~~HAHA SASUKE WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO TOP HIS LIL FOX BOY XDD~~ The one thing that confuses me. If Madara could control the Kyuubi, why isn't he doing it now? Would he have to get inside Naruto's mind like Sasuke did in that one reunion chapter? And can Itachi do it too?

And all of this has gotten me wondering some more about Kakashi's Mangekyou. Where does that fit into the picture?

Bleach Anime Ep. ~150-156

So much love! For some reason I got kinda bored in this part of the manga because the fights never seemed to end. But I'm really enjoying it in animated color. Rukia's fight with the Kaien body-snatcher is so well done with the dark and the light, and the angst, and the general creepiness of the whole thing. I'm studying Rukia a lot more carefully now since I have to RP her in Hard Boiled. Man, I love that girl.

Also, I love Aizen and Gin. And like...everyone. Even Nel and Peche, who is genuinely funny when he's bickering with Ishida. The other guy though, he's just annoying. I think I just don't like reading battles in manga very much. They're so much better when they're animated. Manga, however, is better for conveying subtle details in the art. The facial expressions...guh. <3

AVATAR through Season 2, Ep. 13

I LOVE THIS. The animation is absolutely gorgeous, for one. I adore the characters. And the plot, while sometimes overly episodic, is pretty interesting. But mostly it's the characters, as usual. All the main characters are so HUMAN. I LOVE Aang. He's so cute and so REAL, childlike without being annoying, and you really feel for him. He makes me smile. A lot of people don't like Katara, but I do. Yeah, sometimes she overreacts and is pissy, but she's really human and she really, really cares about helping others. The scene in the desert when she calmed Aang's wrath by hugging him ~~was so Sakura/Sasuke~~ actually touched me. And Sokka. I LOVE SOKKA. He manages to be the guy you love to laugh at while still being incredibly intelligent. Appa is the best animal character ever. Period. And Momo is awesome, too. They're both so cute and emotive, much, much better than they would be if they could talk. And Toph! She's awesome. At first I didn't like her that much because of the way she treated Aang and the fact that she brought out the bitch in Katara, but I love her now. Her scene with Iroh was great. IROH. He is such a joy whenever he is onscreen. You can't NOT love him, because he's such a breath of fresh air in the tense war-torn world. And he's so WISE. "Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source." SO TRUE. And ZUKO. Zuko is going to be my Sasuke in this series. He's really, really full of shit and impulsive and obnoxious and all that, but wow, I love him. I relate to his determination and his unfortunate tendency to think with his emotions instead of his brain. His quest for the Avatar is kind of a cover for his quest to find himself, and it shows. I love his sword skills. I love the episode where he is alone in the Earth kingdom and gains such insight into the damage his own nation has done to the world. The point at which I really got into his arc, though, was when he had the flashbacks to his childhood with Azula. I really want to learn what happened to his mother and exactly what made the old Fire Lord change his mind for his successor. Azula is badass. She is so evil...I kind of wanted her to be more complex, and her voice actress was not like I expected, but when I got over that, I think she's a great villain. I miss Commander Zhao, mostly because I adored his voice actor. And I don't know much about Ty Lee and Mai yet, but I know that the former drives me crazy and the latter is awesomely apathetic -- again, it's the voices.

I'm going to try to catch up this weekend with this series, so...no spoilies please! ^__^

Whoot. I am a nerd. XDD

HAY GAIZ I MAED IT!

2008-01-18T14:35:56Z

I SURVIVED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF GRADUATE SCHOOL.

Papers are done! From now til the 30th, I have no obligations unless my lab samples come in and I have to test them. SWEET. I've never really felt so close to not completing a semester before, or like, used the phrase "I survived" and really meant it. O_o But I DID. The only way to get out of hell is to go through it.

And, through many changes of mind and heart in turn, I've decided to stay at Harvard next year after all. For one, the timing of trying to find a job in Boston for June while signing a lease sometime this spring is just tricky, and there aren't that many jobs I can do that would be any more enjoyable than school. Even if I opened up the field to include San Francisco and L.A., that makes the logistics of the future even more complicated and foreboding. Perhaps the worst thing for me to do for my mental health would be to thrust myself through asteroid belt of logistics into a black hole of uncertainties. I don't hate my schoolwork. I ust hate it when I feel like I'm being trapped into a career that isn't me or that is compromising my artistic identity. If I just treat school as my job at the moment, and take assignments maybe a mite less seriously, it's a pretty good deal.

The primary reason, perhaps, that I don't want to uproot myself is the fact that my social life is richer than it's ever been before. Outside of my department, which is a good place in its own right, I now have two solid, awesome, large groups of friends. I call them "Second Floor" and "Fourth Floor" crews, but really they both cross floors and even dorms. "Second Floor" consists of Emma, Philip, Matt, Mauricio, Lindsey, Katie, Natalie and Julian (who are kind of separate now sine they became an item and spend every minute together) Albert, Atanu, Ashley, and others. We meet in the South Kitchen where I proceed to devour the remains of the Classics Happy Hour snacks while the rest of them top off the drinks and Lindsey tries to do work.

Tangential to the Second (2FC) is my new rock band, The Vinyl Pants, which developed out of a particularly festive South Kitchen Friday night. There are Albert and Billy, Atanu, Garga, and Gourab, Andy, and me. Plus perhaps some Emma and other occasionally contributing 2FC members. After our next band practice I think I will make honor the VPs with their very own post.

"Fourth Floor" is my first group and will always hold a place in my heart. Peter was my key into this group, and remains my beloved neighbor and shopping buddy, the best excuse to go into an Abercrombie that ever walked the earth. Tom is my soulmate. Then there are Myrna, Jo, Maria, Lisa, the other Tom, Rob, Chris, Bens Woodring and Robbins, Giorgio, Kyle, Lauren, and the dearly departed Bryan, whom we all miss. Memorable 4FC activities have included our Christmas (Except You, Robbins) Party, the Harvard-Yale game, and Queen's Head Wednesdays.

It's interesting to compare the two groups. I enjoy spending time with both of them equally, but for different reasons. When I hang with the 4FC, we often get ourselves embroiled in deeply fascinating conversations about academic, philosophical, or political matters. This rarely happens in 2FC, which can be taken as both a pro and a con of each group. I think this difference owes itself to the fact that 4FC hails from a more diverse group of majors and has more Europeans in it. In 2FC, y contrast, we insult each other a lot, with very, very quick humor. The whole thing resembles some offbeat sitcom. We laugh a lot. We make music.

I love my friends.

My mom had her masectomy yesterday, and she's in good spirits. All the tests that have come back said it probably hasn't spread, and she's just glad to have it over with. She went right in and came home the same day, and my dad took some days off to care for her while she recovers. t might be because of my mom that I've been sleeping poorly nad having nightmares these past few days, but it also might be from general anxiety. I've been working out every morning with Emma, though, and it feels fantastic. I miss being in shape! For som reason my mom's illness has reminded me of why I need to take care of my health. It's really important.

And it's break time, again. This is more for my use than your interest.

Things Joy will do over break:

1. Finish Fresh Ink and other unfinished fics.
2. Visit my aunt.
3. Hang out with Guy, Ilana, and April this weekend.
4. GO SHOPPING. ALONE. It's better that way.
5. Spend two hours a day editing Bodies in Flight.
6. Keep going to the gym six days a week with Emma.
7. Watch Juno and There Will be Blood.
8. Spend one hour a day on free reading. First comes Dave Eggers.
9. Watch all of AVATAR. So far I'm half way there. O_o
10. Do quarterly taxes and fix my credit report mix-up thing. D:

Another birthday girl!

2008-01-13T15:53:35Z

Happy Birthday, zuckermond , formely known as yuki_no_hime!

You are such a wonderful person, with the best taste ever in Naruto pairings and in music. No matter how far away it might seem, I know one day you will find true love. Hope you have a great day! Even if you're on hiatus and don't read this for a couple weeks. :)

I am behind on birthday fic gifts because of school, but I have a NaruSasu in the works that I'm dedicating to you and two other long-belated birthday friends. BUT LOOK! GERARD HAS MADE YOU A CAKE.